This is the fifth place to find me on the internet. Please don't tell me I need a sixth.
Today, in France, we stole this dog.
It was an accident—we didn’t mean to steal her. But we were out walking in the...
I just killed a wasp for my roommate (soap + water + spray bottle) and due to her awe and gratitude, now I know how the Rock must feel all the time.
Some advice: if you fuck on the first-date, he probably won’t come back for a second. If the sex was hot and he does come back enjoy...
did that thing where you print out everything you’ve been working on for the past few months and then you want to cry because it’s not that much and then all your friends tell you to chill the fuck out.
If I wait long enough I can run into every single guy I slept with during the early 00s in a cafe in Williamsburg.
I got on the elevator with my neighbor Rob and he asked how it was going and I said, “Well I just took a long nap. Like, really long.” I talked about how I had intended on getting things done but instead the nap happened. And then we talked about the weather for a while and how yesterday was shorts weather and today he still saw people wearing shorts even though it is very much not shorts weather anymore (Americans and their shorts) and how it just kind of knocks you on your ass when the weather changes like this. My dog licked his bicycle. Gross. I sighed and tugged his leash. “Still, my nap was too long,” I said. “I wanted to get work done and I didn’t. I just sat down on that couch and it was over.” And he said, “You know it’s OK to do that, right? We’re so trained here in New York to just go go go. But it’s OK to just take a nap.”