Friends: I am starting a new job tomorrow! I’m not working on underwear catalogs in New Jersey, and I’m not doing Americorps, and I’m not preparing...
The other night, five hometown friends passed through New York to play a show. I’ve known them all for close to ten years, nearly half of our...
I was writing last night (and am still thinking) about public expressions of grief and general reactions to tragedies, and how I respect your right to have those public expressions even as I choose to ignore them because all they do is make me feel worse. I watched all my feeds ignite on Friday and I felt terrorized even though I feel certain that was not the intention.
But I wanted silence. And just to feel for those who had truly been hurt in a personal way. So I worked on my writing quietly and let the rest of the world be devastated as they wanted.
I have to not be on the internet now when bad things happen. This I know. I have to step away not only from the news cycle but the grief cycle. I saw a friend on Saturday who said she had spent Friday refreshing her computer, looking for news, even though she knew better than to engage in that kind of behavior. A day later, she was not well. That is what she said. “I am not doing well.”
I guess I sort of felt “better” than her because I saw what happened and then I stopped paying attention until much later in the day. I knew there was no new information I was going to get out of it. It was terrible, guns are terrible, people are crazy.
I love you all. I want to embrace you. I respect your anger. I am angry too. We are all sad. I will help when I can. But I have to get off the ride.